Alone…ness

Alone…ness was something my father seemed to understand.

On the morning that I was leaving my midwest roots, to move to CA, my father came downstairs to my bedroom located in the basement and we sat down on the edge of the waterbed to have a chat.

I had packed a dufflebag with my belongings and had $100 in my wallet. I was 20 yrs old and ready to take on the world moving from Iowa to San Francisco. My future home was to be a residence club located in what is called the Tenderloin of San Francisco. For those that don’t know this area, it is not for the squeamish. Although, not known at the time, it was to become an instant living lesson for this young mid-westerner.

“Can I give you some food for thought?” My father asked. “Call it advice or a philosophical ideal to take with you. This world can be a wonderful place. This world can be a killer, too. It depends on you and how you interact with it. It depends solely on you. Period.

“We are born alone, we live alone…we share time with people throughout our lives, but we live in this world alone, and we die alone. We live in this world as only ourselves and no one else. We choose the people we decide who we wish to share our time with, so choose wisely. Don’t worry if you feel you have made a wrong choice, but make sure you learn from your choices, then make new choices and go on. This is what we call life. We make our lives happen. Our lives don’t happen to us or without us.

And the one person who you spend your entire life with is you. So, make sure you spend the time necessary throughout your life to make sure you like YOU. I love you and always will. But make sure that you love you. Do you understand?” He finished with putting his arm around my shoulder and giving me a pat on the back.

I nodded, filled with this newly acquired knowledge. Little did I know how much these words would affect me throughout my life. I remember the moment clearly still today and feel it might be the best advice I have ever heard in my life. I have given this knowledge back out to others in the world that I have moved through this plane of existence with.

Little did I know…

As my dad’s health began failing I went to the Houston, TX area where my folks retired to, to visit a bit more. I would do some work on their house and just be with my folks and my sister and her family. They lived nearby. It was nice.

There was one time, as he was lying in his hospice bed that was put in the living room, we had another chat. I asked him if he was ready to go. Without hesitation he said he was fine. He has made peace with both life and death and he was good. A short time later he passed peacefully in his sleep. His life celebration was filled with people to a standing room only church. It seemed his advice worked well for him.

After my father died my brother, sister and I met up with my mother at their home to go through some of his belongings. I was able to get a certain necklace (which I never knew my dad wore). That necklace looks very much like the one shown in the picture above. The hipness of my parents became more alive as I learned more by doing this exercise. I also got an Black Onyx ring, which became my wedding ring.

Now, I came across this following quote from one of my favorite writers this morning. I don’t know if he had ever read much Hunter S. Thompson, and I didn’t know about Hunter until I moved to the Bay Area, but hip is hip nonetheless.

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[We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.

~ Hunter S. Thompson]

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Alone…ness is something I have come to understand and value highly. The time we are able to take for self reflection and self care are undeniably some of the most precious moments of our lives. Those moments prepare us for everything. Alone…ness gives us the opportunity to learn who we are and how we move through this three dimensional space. It defines us.

Taking time to be in the moment is all we truly have in our lives. Cherish the moments and those who we consciously choose to share our time with as this is what makes our lives. Remember, the love you take is equal to the love you make. So make love.

I am grateful for you readers. Many of you have been with me through my writings over the past twenty years of various blogs and books. I welcome you to involve yourselves in my writings with sharing, making comments, responses and such. Things can get lonely here in this blog world when there is no interaction from my readers. Although, alone…ness and lonely are two different things. I am learning to sit with both through this forum. I welcome you all to dive in. The water is nice.