Surviving the Tunnel

and shining new light into the dark

“And the man thought…let there be light - and there was light at the end of the tunnel… It made no matter how long or short…it was - for only the optimism of the man…it was not the tunnel that was of any concern it was only the light that he was to find…” - Boggs

For the many of you who have read my book, Quantum of Justice, you might recall the section where I discuss that moment of truth in my life when I had a cocked and loaded pistol in my hand pointed at my head. It was a very challenging and difficult time. I was putting my values to life in the wrong places.

Sometimes things can get pretty rough. Everyone handles the trials and tribulations of this thing we call life very differently. There are so many cliches that we could run with right now, but unless you have ever been in that unenviable position of dealing with that specific energetic, that moment of truth, let’s just leave the cliches at the door. But, I digress.

I’ve recently met someone who, for over the past few years, has undergone multiple, intense and very rare brain surgeries. I have seen pictures of their open skull while the doctors were about to install a micro-chip inside their head. During the operation the doctors would ask if they could speak? Or if they could smell? Or if they could feel this or that? To which the doctors would be shutting down parts of the brain and turning on other parts in order to wire up the chip correctly to the appropriate brain synapses. That chip is then used to send brain signals to a computer, using a VPN, in real time delivering data to integrated software that manages the incoming information in order to control a pattern of seizures that happen numerous times a minute. Without this operation their life would have become unmanageable. It is incredible to say the least.

The seizures began when they were in their early twenties and for the past 18 years or so have continued. Within the past 5 years, over time, they became much more frequent and unpredictable to a point where they were left unable to even drive a car. It affected their work life. It affected their memory and cognitive ability. It affected their relationships. It affected all aspects of their life. They thought about ending things quite frequently. Without this operation and this technological option they would probably no longer be here. Now, they are able to meet friends for dinner and tell their story and seemingly begin to feel alive again. But, let’s just be clear, for a long while in their life shit got dark.

Standing at the abyss is a very precarious place to be. That abyss looks much different for different people. That abyss can be a long, dark and deep hole for some, or it could be a reflection in a shallow puddle for others.

What I find interesting in this situation is that this person is an amazingly talented and hyper-intelligent individual who is literally a global leader in their field. For someone who’s life is at the top of the global corporate levels of knowledge, control and management to find themselves in a situation where they are literally venturing into the unknown by going under for hours while doctors open up their brain using cutting edge medical technology and implanting a micro-chip that talks to another computer 24/7 in real time to help regulate the constant ongoing seizures so that the patient might able to stand, or speak, or think coherently in order to just participate in life at its basic level is more than profound.

I told them that I find the serendipitous nature of life amazing. We can see the signs if we pay attention. However, we don’t always see the forest for the trees. We don’t always see the lessons that life is giving us. We don’t always see the ways in which our lives are designed to affect the larger whole. It can be difficult to step out of your own way when things have been hard for so long. It is a learned art to be able to calm one’s self to a point to see themselves removed and seperate from themselves in order to review their lives with cognitive dissonance.

I am looking forward to learning more about my new friend. We found that we have some similar stories that we can relate to. We are all each others Buddha. Sometimes we find ourselves in a place that we need help getting out of despite all we know and have learned. Sometimes we find asking for help to be too difficult. Sometimes we are unable to see our own true power because of circumstances that have taken most of the wind out of our sails. However, the answers are never that far away. But, sometimes despite ourselves, we are unable to see what might be right in front of our eyes.

Surviving the tunnel and shining new light into the dark is what is necessary in order to find one’s way to the end of a situation. There are times when we all feel like a fish spawning and constantly caught swimming against the current. There are times when life leaves us spinning around in our own eddies making it difficult for us to get back into the stream and the flow of our lives. It’s those times especially that we must learn to trust and let go and allow those universal eddies, those life lessons that we find ourselves caught in, to slowly swirl us out and back into our stream of life. In the flow of the stream there is no stagnant water. The eddies will always spit us out.

Awareness, experience and tenacity are what winnow the seed from the chaff.